The Sanctity of Marriage

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:22-31

This is for those who are married and those who will get married. I don’t pretend to be an expert on marriage – far from it – but there are some things I learned in the course of my marriage to my wonderful husband that I would like to share and may help someone in need.

First – IT CAN BE DONE! The society and age we live would have us believe that marriage doesn’t work. So many people are terrified of the commitment of marriage or are hostile toward it because of past hurts or the wrong example of the marriage of someone close. The statistics of the divorce rate in the 21st century alone are scary and at the highest they’ve ever been. 50% of married couples in America end in divorce. A person who marries more than once is more likely to divorce sooner than the first time. The sanctity of marriage is no longer regarded in today’s society. It was every little girl’s dream to have a beautiful wedding and spend the rest of her life with the man waiting for her at the altar. Those dreams can still come true! It is God’s design for man and woman to live in the intimate relationship called marriage. Of course the world has a twisted and warped view of what marriage should be. It is more challenging today to marry and stay committed to that union than it was 50 years ago, even 20 years ago, but it can be done. Marriage is not a fairy tale where you marry the person of your dreams and live happily ever after. It requires an investment of time, patience, sacrifice, compromise and commitment. It is a decision to love when life is just like a fairytale and when it’s not. A decision to love when you realize your spouse is not perfect and you can not change him/her. The good news is that you can be a vessel that God uses to mold him/her. Marc and I will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary on June 29th, a little more than 2 months away. It has not always been easy and there have been times when one or the other wanted to throw in the towel but God continued to remind us that it can be done, we could make it work if we put Him first and build our marriage on His foundation. 8 years is a victory!!! Praise the Lord!!! I’ve noticed that each year that we’ve been married, God has taught us something new about marriage, about ourselves, and we’ve grown as individuals and as a couple. This brings me to my next point.

Ladies, WE CAN SUBMIT to our husbands. Not only can we submit but our Heavenly Father tells us to do so. Growing up and in the first couple of years of being married I had a terrible misconception of what it meant to submit to my husband and I believe many woman as well as men share this misconception. The dictionary’s definition of the word submit reads as so: to give over or yield to the power or authority of another. My understanding of submitting was different and when you grow up in a home where the woman does everything it’s hard to see yourself submitting to someone else. I thought that submitting to my husband meant that I had to be a doormat for him to walk all over and/or be his slave. So my attitude was, “no man is going to walk all over me.” As I began to grow in the Lord and as a wife, God began to teach me what submission to my husband truly is. Ladies it has absolutely nothing to do with being his slave or him telling you what to do and you have to do it. It’s about giving him the respect he deserves as a man and as the head of your home. Men yearn for respect from their wives and sadly today there aren’t many marriages where the husband is respected by his wife even in the church. When God created woman, He created her to be the helpmeet of man. He created her to help him in his walk with God, in his struggles as a husband, father, friend, brother and as a man. Of course we cannot relate to some of the things men struggle with, but we can be supportive and give them the respect they need that will encourage them to keep pressing forward. You’d be amazed at the difference it makes when you show a man respect. Your respect motivates him to do all that he can to keep your respect and your trust.

Gentleman, YOU CAN LOVE your wives. This is what you are called to do in your relationship with your wife. The woman is usually more emotional than the man so it is in her nature to love. That is why God does not tell her to love her husband because she is going to do that anyway. It’s how she is wired. That doesn’t mean that men cannot love, they just don’t show it the way women do. Women want to feel loved by their husbands. Sometimes that requires showing affection, telling her that you love her, or doing little things to make her smile that let her know you care. Some men have a hard time showing affection. They may have brought up to think that showing emotion is not manly, but gentleman we love it when our men show us how they truly feel and when God is at the center of the marriage it is so much sweeter! In the past few months, I have experienced and continue to experience the gentle side of my husband that made me fall in love with him in the first place. The side of him that lets me see how he is feeling about me and our life together; the side of him that comes out when God is the center of his life. Guys, when you allow your Heavenly Father to have His way with you or as I like to say, invade your mind, soul, and spirit, your heart is open door. He can then go in and do spring cleaning in those dusty closets inside your heart that have stuff you probably didn’t even know was there collecting dust and hindering your spiritual life! When your wife allows herself to be the vessel that God uses to mold you and you allow yourself to be molded, beautiful things happen in your marriage. Your wife has to feel loved; she needs to feel secure in your love. Without the demonstration of this element, the wife feels unloved, unwanted, and can become quite bitter. This does not mean that you don’t love her, but if you are not showing her, she will think that you don’t. The same way you men need respect, we women need to be loved.

The Bible describes the love/respect relationship between the husband and the wife as the relationship between Christ and the church. The church/the bride submits to her beloved Bridegroom/Christ. The Bridegroom/Christ loves His bride/the church. Paul said in Ephesians chapter 5 that the husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church. He goes on further to say that the husband ought to love his wife as he loves is body. The church is the body of Christ, Christ is the head of the church. The husband and wife become one flesh when they are married. The bible says that when a man marries, he will leave his mother and his father and cleave to his wife. This simply means that he becomes one with his wife.

The world would have us believe that it is okay to marry and divorce and marry again. That it is okay to have more than one spouse. That it is okay for men to marry men and women to marry women, defiling the sanctity of marriage as God intended. But the Bible is very clear on the marriage relationship. Genesis 2:24 says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The marriage relationship was meant for one man and one woman per marriage. Not one man and one man or one woman and one woman or one man and three women or one woman and three men, but one man for one woman and one woman for one man. Only a man and a woman joined in marriage can become one flesh. All other substitutes just don’t work! Those of us who know the Bible or who have understanding or know of the Word of God, let us keep the sanctity of marriage as it was meant to be; holy before God, to be fruitful and to multiply. Wives respect your husbands, husbands love your wives. Every year that you celebrate a wedding anniversary with God at the center of your marriage is a victory! God bless you!